[Episode 22] Why is My Life Falling Apart? Am I Being Punished?

I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm a good person. What's happening?

Assalamu alaikum warahmatullah

This is a message for whoever needs it:

Prioritize your istighfar in large quantities (10k+) and reading Surat Al-Baqarah. If you can read it once in a day it's preferred and if more 2, 3, 4, 10 times, then do more.

If you can't get through it once, then do as much as Allah knows you can manage. Your other acts of worship and commitments will fall into place by Allah's favour. Make istighfar and Surat Al-Baqarah your #1 priority.

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Your intention is critical: Seeking Allah's pleasure and asking Him to forgive, accept and guide you to what He wants for you and from you.

The blessings, wealth, ease and goodness will come in time. Don't let them become the goal. Knowing Allah, pleasing Him and making your life about being with Him is the goal.

Tests are there you get your attention and let you know that there's something that needs rectifying. Something needs to be adjusted or changed to stop the pain. It's a message.

If you ignore the signs and the message in the test and suffer through it without finding meaning or making the necessary changes; then it becomes a punishment.

Whatever trials and tests you are experiencing right now, have lead you to Him (swt). He closed all the other doors so you would be compelled to seek Him.

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Allah wants something greater for your life and the path you were on was not going to get you there.

He is redirecting you.

Take your istighfar seriously because your sins are prolonging your pain and difficulties. Purify those sins and the ease will descend bi ithnillah ta'ala.

Surat Al-Baqarah is training and purification for the role Allah has written for you to take on going forward. It will realign your life with the purpose He wants for you and trade out people who are not good for you with those who will assist you on your journey towards Him.

Hold everything besides Allah, istighfar and Al-Baqarah—in this phase loosely and trust Allah's wisdom and knowledge in how He manages your affairs.

The puzzle pieces are being shifted around, and it's not looking like the picture makes any sense at this point. Hold on and it will become clear and it will make perfect sense.

Shaytan, your thoughts, nags, doubts and fears, reluctance, mistrust and resistance will fight to hold you back from taking this process seriously and going all in.

You must be tough and push passed them all. Your life will probably appear to fall apart and the problems will seem to get worse.

Don't allow that to make you panic or stop.

Think well of Allah and remember who you are dealing with. If you are in His care and protection no one can harm you and nothing can touch you.

Focus on making sure you are doing what pleases Him and don't hinder your own progress with sins and haram. Your faults might not be obvious to you. Ask Allah to show you where the cracks are. Ask Allah to give you insight into your own shortcomings and to rectify them. To highlight the things that are displeasing to Him so you can steer clear of them. Surat Al-Baqarah helps with this a great deal, and constant dua for guidance will give you more clarity.

It may seem odd that everyone around you is living a “normal” life and enjoying everything while you are being held to strict standards. You are seeing immediate repercussions for your mistakes and have an awareness that you can't switch off. He has chosen you and He is changing, purifying and preparing you. If you ever made a dua for Allah to use you for Khair or in His service then this is your prayer being answered.

You can never go back to being heedless and careless as you were in the past. You aren't “normal “ anymore. What feels hard and restrictive is developing your spiritual discipline. This process of shaping is rapid and intense, and you will feel the pressure.

It's natural to want to fall back into the comfort of what you used to do and to want to hide, but you cannot. The things that used to give you comfort and ease will no longer offer respite.

You will find that there's no shelter or refuge from Allah except in going to Him. He is demanding more of you, and teaching you to rise to the occasion. He is removing your spiritual ailments and illnesses of the heart, obsessions, ego, false beliefs and reliance on others besides Him (awj). There is nothing more important. You are fighting for your life and hereafter.

Allah is with you.

Don't let up.

May Allah hold you close to Him and ease your path.

Sincerely,

Sumayah