Unpacking My Money Mindset + A Literal Walk in the Park
Crystal Palace Park, London, UK
Salam Guys,
I have been spending some time over the last couple of weeks revisiting my relationship with money. Specifically getting to the bottom of my limiting beliefs around worth and possibility.
It's one thing to do the work on my own with journaling prompts, audio tracks, and reflection and it's another thing to do this work with a coach. I was able to find connections between my behaviour and my experiences with money from childhood.
The reason I was doing this mindset work was because I wanted to understand my patterns and behaviour with money.
I wanted to know:
Why I spend money like I'm a trust-fund baby (I assure you, I’m no such thing)
Why I cringe at getting things from charity shops, clearance sections, dislike asking for discounts or haggling (with the exception of market stalls)
Why I can't save to save my life.
Connections & Breakthroughs
Looking at my spending patterns—which I'd loosely describe as generally comfortable spending money without being reckless, but not at all frugal, I picked up on the fact that I felt a great deal of anxiety around having large sums of money.
I would get this sense of quiet panic, almost an urgency that it needed to be spent. More accurately, spent in the right way. Like income was a puzzle to solve, what is this money for?
One of the childhood memories that came up for me was about going to the American Express Bank in Cairo with my Mom every month. I was her little translator, so she took me along for any official business because at that time my Arabic was decent and hers practically nonexistent.
We would get a monthly lump sum of cash. Bearing in mind there are lots of people who this money was going to, like my grandmother and other members of my Dad's family. We would pick it up, and then my Mom would divide the cash into envelopes to be delivered to each recipient.
That process of watching her receive that income and then immediately and urgently distribute it to other people imprinted in my mind. I internalised that money isn't for me, it goes to others, and has to quickly be spent or sent where it's meant to go. As an adult I have lists of things that money will go on before it even comes. It doesn't spend the night waiting, I assign it a role almost instantly, and it's gone.
In her defence, my mom was an expat with 5 young children trying to make the most of what she had. So when it was time to shop she would start with the clearance section. As a young, self-conscious child, I felt humiliated by that and wanted to be someone who could proudly pay full price for things without a second thought.
My mindset is a rebellion against the need to associate with any of the markers of lack I'd seen growing up. When I go into charity shops I can't help but think, “somebody probably died in these clothes.” The same goes for used items being given away on Nextdoor or locally. I always imagine the worst and immediately feel turned off by the idea of picking unwanted items up from the street. It goes against my wiring to do any of that. I accept it's how I am, and I'm not in a hurry to change that part.
The last point I looked at was savings, if you extend the thinking I explained above it makes sense that keeping large sums of money feels wrong, so naturally I would spend it. Savings are interesting, because I tend to see people in one of two camps around their motivation for saving money:
One group are those saving as much as humanly possible from a place of fear and scarcity. Terrified and never having enough, they are the squirrels that put almost everything away for the winter.
The other group are the ones that save from a place of discipline. They are focused on creating more abundance, planning and growing their wealth. These are the farmers who both keep the excess and plant for the next harvest.
I definitely want to be part of the latter group. I don't want to be saving because I'm afraid there won't be enough or that Allah will stop providing for us. It's about taking care of what I'm given and being responsible. Nothing beautifies a perspective like moderation.
There's a wealth of resources out there about financial planning and managing money, but I wanted to touch on the mindset and intent behind it. The energy of trusting in Allah, believing in Him as our Provider and Sustainer, knowing there's always more where that came from, and having certainty that what's ours cannot miss us; makes this journey more bearable.
Clearly, I have a lot of areas to continue to work through, and as always I'm grateful for the clarity I've found to this point, Alhamdulillah.
Journal Prompts:
How's your mindset around money evolved over the years?
Where do you find yourself on the frugal to frivolous spectrum?
What's one aspect of money management that you would like to improve?