What is the priority?
We are told that Allah created us to worship Him and that is our purpose, that is the reason why we exist here in this world, in this dunya, and for the time that we're here, worshipping Allah is our priority.
Now, I want to look at that from the context of a marriage, through the eyes of a woman who is in a marriage where she's being emotionally and physically abused, and mistreated in that marriage. It's something that everyone can see, including her parents, leaders of the community, the man, her husband who is causing the abuse, and yet she's being told that she has to hold on and be patient because that's the done thing.
This woman is told that if she leaves her marriage, she's choosing herself over her children and she's being selfish.
She's told that if she leaves the marriage she is responsible for breaking up a family.
She's told that by leaving and becoming a single parent, she's going to have her children compromised, where they'll end up substance abusers, in prison, and failing in society because statistically, the children of single parents don't do as well.
She's told that generations of women before her went through things that were a lot worse and they were patient and they stayed. She's called flippant, emotional, irrational, impulsive, and ungrateful because at least she has a husband.
If we can see that Allah (swt) prioritizes worshipping him, then the question now becomes, how to address the woman who is in that situation, in that context. A woman who is compromised emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Where her relationship with her children, her family, and the community suffers because she's in no state to be the woman she needs to be. She cannot show up for herself, and her children, and most importantly worship Allah (swt) when she's being abused. She questions herself and wonders why she struggles to get out of bed and face the day. She doesn’t understand why she can’t focus on her prayers or muster the heart to make dua.
What happens when you take an individual and you break them to the degree that they're unable to function, and when they try to remove themselves from that situation, you tell them they can’t leave because it’s not what God wants.
That person cannot fulfill their God-given purpose of worshipping Allah (swt). They struggle to stand and worship a God they're being told commands them to stay in a crushing situation; in order to qualify as a believer and a good servant of said God. Saying that compromises their relationship with Allah (swt) and pushes these women to want to leave this deen, religion, because they're being told that it preaches and teaches something that it does not. They’re bullied into staying in a marriage and some end up leaving the religion altogether.
